Consent Tools In TTRPG's

 I've been trying to learn to write without really overthinking it. Just letting the words exit my head and out onto the page. It isn't easy, especially now, but what better way to practice it than to talk about accommodation?

It Just Makes Sense

I never grew up in an environment where "consensual content" for TTRPGs was a thing. I didn't really have to learn about it, because my brother and I taught ourselves how to play in the first place. Of course, we had a few friends who showed interest, but that wasn't until well into our adolescent years and only when we showed them the hobby. Out of maybe a dozen people, one stuck around consistently. 

And that's okay! While a shame, it was expected: games like Dungeons & Dragons were still in the weird space between "nerdy" and "cool." Critical Role was still just growing in popularity. Matthew Colville hadn't founded MCDM. Paizo was the king of content. 5e's only published adventure was Phandelver, and even that was puddles compared to the two decades of RPG content before it.

I love DnD, but I didn't grow up on it. The first-ever RPG I self-taught was Pathfinder: First Edition, a game I hold dearly in my heart even now. That also means I grew up surrounded by hot takes on forums and game stores from those kinds of people.

The PvP Game Master. The Murderhobos. The types of players who love scorpions in their coffee and saves vs Death when they go to bed. Y'know, the OSR crowd. 

And I appreciate them! I love grit in my literature and struggle in my gameplay. It's satisfying in a way that can't be believed to struggle and fight for a goal, through thick and thin, only to feel the release at the peak. That catharsis is essential to me, both as a player and a GM. Hell, there's a reason I call it Game-Master and not Dungeon-Master. But that also meant I never really learned about handling content-facing difficulties early. It never came to mind or was shrugged off as "they aren't a fit for this game." That's a valid argument, but perhaps we can put a smidge more effort into it.

Black Cards

I've seen a dozen names for this kind of tool; red cards, X cards, safety tool cards. A million words for the same tool, which serves to provide an indicator for whenever an event in the game is providing some kind of discomfort or irritation. All you have to do is tap the card that's on the table or flash it to your GM, and the game either pauses for a moment or skips along to the next segment. Many people use this to omit references to events of extreme violence, especially those of a sexual nature. They're also good when a particularly notable phobia of a player suddenly comes to the forefront of a scene. I don't currently use these in my own home games (although I ask my players to speak up if a similar situation occurs) because my main game consists of online play. This doesn't mean we couldn't use it; we just don't.

I like black cards. I think they make sense for the purpose they serve. You don't need NPCs to commit horrific moral acts against other NPCs or player characters. And even if you are (and everyone else is, to a degree) okay with it, you still don't have to dangle over it. If the player has to pull out the card at that point, you've probably been on it for too long anyway.

Consent Sheets

This is something I actually have used, and to great effect. A consent sheet is basically an addendum you can make to your session zero (or whenever you want), asking your players to comment on a general list of phobias, controversial topics, or bigotries. Its goal is to effectively gauge what your players are looking for in the upcoming adventure and any issues that may make the playing experience uncomfortable or unwelcome.

I used a sheet like this for my current 5e game. Made by Monte Cook.

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Personally, I used it by first filling out the checklist myself, which I then showed my players to let them know the kind of game I wanted to run. I allowed them to fill out their own copy and send it anonymously. Thankfully, most of our interests align. (Who would have thought that none of us wanted to act out a fully-fledged sex scene?)

Between this and black cards, I really do like consent sheets. I've used them both for in-character and OOC purposes, and it's been an excellent resource for figuring out my player's worries and wants. I do not shy away from extreme topics, and my players are always fully aware of this. This lets me stick to that style when I want to while still avoiding things that would otherwise damage both the game and our actual relationships with one another. 

Does the game you want to play differ significantly from the one your players are comfortable with? That's okay. You can always try another game. Not every style will work for every kind of person, nor will every person be compatible with your preferred type of game.

Just don't be a jerk about it. Don't use a player's feelings or phobias as a way to ostracize them. And for God's sake, don't push content that they state they're uncomfortable with because you think it isn't a big deal.

Talk To Your Players!

You would assume that this would be a given. It should be.

As a Game Master (and in large part a player), it is your duty to discuss topics regarding the game. Nobody should be told they're going to play a "gritty, dark-fantasy horror game" and then show up at a care bear convention. Could it be an exciting misdirection? Yes. Is it kinda funny? Absolutely. But generally, as a rule of thumb, everyone at the table should be aware of precisely what they're getting into. It's why the previous two tools are so essential.

Having a history of depression and suicidal tendencies means you might not like to encounter those things in your games! Being a sexual abuse survivor means you might react negatively to that same activity happening to you while roleplaying! You might be desensitized to it, but that is the exception, not the rule.

It should be said that, while you as the Game Master can put whatever you want into your game, that does not mean your players will recognize it in the same way. You can have a grim-dark, gory, sex-filled extravaganza with not an inch of lightheartedness in sight. Do not assume that anyone will want to be in it. There comes the point where sacrifices must be made, compromises drawn, and that's okay. It's good to work under limitations. 

Talk with your players. Let them know your intentions long before the dice are rolled, and character sheets are filled. Players, speak with your DM! Do not think that just because they need to have your best interests in mind, you can just sit back and let them bend to your every whim!

Role-playing games are a storytelling medium. A cooperative storytelling medium. Nobody gets anything done without talking about it. Did somebody make a mistake? That's okay; you can work it out with them. Is one of your players feeding into an attitude or habit that is harming the table's atmosphere? Talk to them about it. You won't solve everything this way; some things require compromise, and others involve stubborn people. If the player doesn't seem to fit the vibe (or you, as the player, feel disconnected), that's alright. There's always another opportunity.

And for those players who can never seem to find the game that fits them? Try running what you want to play in. We need more of them anyway, and luckily, there are almost certainly people with the same exact problem as you. 

My current play group started with just a singular DM. She doesn't play anymore, but there are four of us now, and some of them thought that they never could.

Don't be afraid to learn.